hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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