hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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