anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
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