My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
