and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize