shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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