was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
