I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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