you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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