you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
