i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
