Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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