Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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