woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
