you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I'm gonna fight the coyote
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
