I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
