she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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