Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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