After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
