I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Can I color on your dick again?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize