You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize