Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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