Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Randomize
