Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Randomize
