If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
