just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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