Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
