Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
