i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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