I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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