New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize
