Sry I called you an 8
Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
this just has baby written all over it
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
