i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
