and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
