I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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