Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
