He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
