Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Randomize
