I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Porn is love you can see.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
