just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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