i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize