So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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