So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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