I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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