just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
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