the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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