So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
