she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
