He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
