I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
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