omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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