i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
