I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
