I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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