so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Come back. Shots need mouths.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
