fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Randomize
