ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize