oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
