There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
