I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize