That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
You need a sexual gate keeper
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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