remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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