i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
The beer is more important than you right now.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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