nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
