i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
