Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
