I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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